Another day…Ashish thought to himself, as the sun shone on his face. He looked at his timepiece which showed 7:15 a.m. Though he wanted to steal a few precious moments of sleep, he reconciled himself to get ready. Getting out of the apartment complex by about 7:45 a.m., the thought of the traffic on Highway 101 sent shivers down his spine. He commuted regularly in his car to his workplace at Redwood Shores, a town which was about 25 miles away from Santa Clara, the place where he lived. The sweet humming of the Telugu songs he was listening to always soothed his disturbed mind, but this time, he was thinking of Satish, one of his friends in his undergraduate study at BITS, who was coming to his place. Well, his world in the US were KV, Gopi, Chakri and Matta, who were also from the same school. Getting back to the real world, the sight of the massive Oracle buildings where he worked, forced him to take the exit, and at work, he was busy as usual. Life as a Software Engineer in the US is not that tough, he chuckled to himself.
"Make yourself available at least in the evening today. Satish is coming to our place.", Gopi had quipped, sure that Ashish would heed his word. According to his word, Ashish arrived at about 6:40 P.M in the evening. He greeted Satish, and upon his request to see the nearby mountains, they set out in Gopi's car. After the quest was over, they wanted to eat and go to a movie. The argument about the selection of restaurant began. "Desi food, of course," Ashish said adamantly. "Okay, Okay," Gopi said, and suggested Mythri, a restaurant that Ashish had never even heard of. Ashish recommended Shilpa, a small restaurant near his place, which he frequented whenever he felt lazy to eat at Gopi's place. The argument converged, and Ashish decided to try out Mythri this time.
They landed at Mythri at about 8:30 p.m, and were greeted and escorted to a nearby table by a young girl, in her early twenties. Ashish's thoughts were somewhere else. " Man, where are some beautiful dames?", he thought as looked around the huge restaurant. His standards were very high sometimes. As they ate, Ashish could not avoid looking at this active young girl who had escorted them. No, no, she wasn't so pretty… She was dressed neatly and Ashish was puzzled as he could not figure out what was attractive in her. Something was, he was sure. As they paid the bill, he took a single glance, and that was it. After the movie, Ashish asked Gopi -- " Gops, Did you find anything attractive about the girl?" Gopi looked at Ashish seriously and said – " Well, not at all. But you know, beauty is in the eye of the beholder," and all of them except Ashish laughed. Though Ashish felt bad, he forgot about the issue and went back home.
The next two days were hectic for Ashish, as his group at Oracle was releasing a new E-Commerce product, and everyone was busy. He felt hungry one late evening, and his conscience pushed him to eat at Mythri. He was greeted by the same girl, and this time, Ashish looked very closely, making sure he found out what he missed last time in her inner beauty. But he wasn't successful. As he ate a not-so-hearty meal, he was interrupted by strange thoughts – God!! Was he in love??.. Or wasn't he?! He didn't know. Paying at the counter, he forced himself not to look, and moved out.
For about two weeks, this episode went on. Ashish went everyday in the evening, but there was no showdown. He had an innate talent by which he never showed that he was interested in the girl, but he could not control his train of thoughts which were eating into his brain, work, routine etc., He was thinking deeply and was undoubtedly interested in the girl, but had no guts to talk to her about this. Smiling to himself one day, he thought about his requirements for a girl he had asked his mother to search. "Mummy, a very pretty girl and nothing else please." He had seen something very special in this girl, not beauty, which had shattered his imagination. He thought about the girl; whether she was the restaurant owner's daughter, or somebody related to him. If she was, he questioned himself whether he was eligible to like such a girl. People would think that he was after her money. This, and the notion of caste, disturbed him very much. He himself never bothered about such issues at all, but people tended to strongly consider such points.
"Man, you are thinking too much! You don't know her name for God's sake, who she is, what her history is, and you land yourself in such a confused and bizarre state. Are you crazy?" KV chided his chum. He was right in every sense. Some people are never lucky in love. This thought pinched Ashish's sensitive heart very much. Weeping inside and not knowing what to do, he went to the restaurant time and again, trying to speak with her, but didn't have the guts to do so. He wanted to ask her name, whereabouts and express his interest in her, but would she believe him? Would anybody, for that matter, believe him? But the thought of getting 'No' for an answer, and the thought of not seeing her again stopped him from making any advances. He wondered how he had accidentally decided one day to come with friends, seen this girl, and felt drawn to her after a few days. Fate decides everything.
He called home and starting speaking about this matter to his younger sister, who had gotten married a month ago. She encouraged him initially, but the mention of caste disturbed Ashish very much. Why the hell are people particular? Even his sister. He discussed a lot with his Mom and Dad, who showed partial interest but appeared to sidetrack his thoughts and discourage him. This annoyed Ashish, but he preferred not to show it.
Work was hectic the next week and Ashish could not concentrate. Everybody around suggested that he go and talk to the girl, and not build up such a volcano inside. But he could not. Ashish could not help the tears sometimes when he was driving, cursing his ill-fate, his sensitive nature, and his way of tackling such matters. He wasn't such a lucky guy after all. He called up home again, wishing to find solace this time, by explaining his helpless situation, but his folks reminded him of his responsibilities towards home, and asked him to severe his relations with home if he wished to carry on. His mother had said this in a moment of anger, but it hurt Ashish's feelings very much. Calls started pouring in the next day, from family and friends to consider the matter seriously, in a mature way, to forget about her, pouring sentiments and so forth.
"Good Lord, am I making a decision on my own? Or are these people doing the deed for me? Are so many people controlling me life?" Ashish thought. He was in such a pitiable situation. He thought firmly about this. May be controlling his visits to the restaurant would solve the matter. But would his heart allow him to do so? Only time would decide.
Thinking along these lines while driving, he pulled his car to Mythri and was met by the same girl, as usual with her inviting smile, saying
"Just one to seat?"
Was there any end to this?
Close
What was the point of the story? OK, so you had a crush on some vagueall female in some vagueall gult restaurant...grow up boy!!
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The article/story was good, especially, the way the author puts his feelings in words. Also, the whole thing where he describes his parents' reaction etc seems very realistic. All this leads me to believe that this might have been a real life experience. If that is the case, he should express his feelings to the girl. For if he does not he will never know for himself what might have happened if he had confessed. The worst thing in life is having regrets abt what was/was not done. If the person has such intense feelings for this girl, the only way out would be to have a closure on the whole thing. Either it will work out for him with the girl or it wont but he would have atleast tried and not have to deal with regretting his timidity later. As to the issue of caste, approval from parents, etc, one has to decide for themselves what takes priority.. love or acceptance by family, both are big issues, and have different implications but its upto an individual to decide which is more important.
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Matters of the heart change lives. Strangely the guy described in the story turned his own life topsy turvy before having made a connection with the one he professed to love. I don't know if it's just me but is the author perhaps making a statement about the ludicriousness of the situation he describes in his story, a situation all too common among Indian men (and perhaps women, I'm not sure)? It brought to light the fact that it really is time to break away from worries that are no longer relevant in today's world, such as caste, parental permission, etc.
Sonali Kolhatkar
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To "Ashish" who lost his heart at "Mythri":
"Life is strewn with choices,
You make one, your own.
Listen to your heart's voices,
All the rest, you disown!"
-Sagarika.
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I suspect all this charade of an article posted on sulekha.com to merely be a mask for Ashish's inability to actually express his feeling's towards that particular waitress gal at Mythri. Now, what this will serve is to somehow through this extensive desi grapevine reach this info to the kudi in question. Wah! Kya teer mara rey Ashish!! And it is a moot question now if the girl will know from reading this story who this Ashiq..sorry Ashish is! :)
Congratulations on your chicken heart Mr. Ashish.
SS.
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Hi Aravind,
Althogh this article was successful in putting forth the perspective of a stereo-typical ABIY (America Bred Indian Yuppie), it is purely a question of personal conviction that will make or break a guy like Ashish's heart.
It is true that as much as we would not like to believe, we still have the bonding and respect towards our families back home. This will put us in a jeopardy. Being what we are, it is hard for us to totally go against our parents. Also the machinations of a heart in love are hard to contain. Caught between two ends we are in a state of limbo. That I believe is the reason for the tears that Ashish had shed. It is heart rending to not be able to decide between the family, the culture and life-style (a.k.a caste) that we were born into and brought up in, and the all powerful influence of Cupid.
At this juncture only a decisive mind w/ a strong personal conviction about one or the other belief about the ways of marrying can, in my opinion, be successful in deciding the future of one's life. If a family that you oh so dearly loved could think of counterposing your idea of marrying a girl of your choice (that by informing them in advance), you are forced to consider all the respect and the faith you had in the family entity. Parents being elderly command respect because of their parenthood and not because of their uppitiness or their beliefs steeped in tradition and sometimes ignorance.
When it is easy for them to scare an innocent child caught in a web of indecision and confusion, by talking of severing ties w/ him (possibly aggravating his hardship), it should force the child to consider something similar although it will be immensely hard on him. Now, if Ashish does not have the stomach to go talk to the girl all his tears are ill founded. It is just not him for such a situation. On the other hand, the love for the girl might reach him to a stage where it will only be natural for him to go talk to her.
My myriad "thoughts" about Ashish's thoughts.
Thank you.
Sreenivas.
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The story is well written with a simple flow, and gives the impression of being true. But perhaps not..
For the moment, taking the story to be true, or for all such true stories out there --
I have seen many a friend in this position. Although I don't like to trespass on Dr. Ro territory here :),
1)The first problem is the enormous build up. If there is an enormous build up, any break or disappointment becomes harder to handle. So, the sooner the issue is settled, one way or other, the better it is for the protagonist.
2)After all there may indeed be no caste problem. One has to find out before one worries oneself to death.
3)The caste problem, if it exists, becomes relavant, only if the girl is also interested. Maybe she is married :). One has no way of knowing unless one asks. See: "Girl in the train" by Chitral Kumar, on this site, for a beautiful story on this.
4)Now coming to the issue of rejection .. I have broken with many a poor soul on this :). The issue is quite simple. Either the girl is all that you believe that she is, or she isn't. Suppose she is, and suppose she rejects you, then trust her judgement that she is incompatible for you and look elsewhere. Suppose she calls you names and walks away in a huff, then do some Bayesian learning that your judgement of the girl is flawed, because she is unable to recognize the gem of a guy that you are, and in retrospect, you may as well not be interested in her.
5)Now this caste, shaste, and all that is complex and you have to figure out if you have what it takes to handle it. This 5th point does not admit trivial solutions, so I'll leave it here.
That is the 5 step path. It is not just theory -- has been put in practise.
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Errata..
In my comment below, the word "broken" should read as "spoken"
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Ashish should be practical about life and move on. He shouldn't hold on to one thing like a child. Its like working at some place and fearing to ask your boss for a raise. If you don't ask for a raise, you won't get it. Also, he is fearing failure. One should always accept failure gracefully. If you live life considering that now is the chance or never you will act and get results. Results will make you either happy or sad. Both, according to me, are temporary. Its how you act in these situations that make you "you". Successful people are not the people who always make right decisions, but they are people who always make their decissions right. Its upto you how you take things and its your choice whether to accept things and be happy or stick to one thing and be sad. Moving stone gathers no moss..
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My thundering applause and votes go to Mr. Ghai and Mr. Prabhakar's comments. Methinks Satya's prescription is based on his own m.o. w/ Sangeeta and in fact this may be common practice among many guys out there because in retrospect this is exaclty what my own hubby seems to have done.
A note to Mr. Chandrasekhar and Dr. Gollapudi: only when a situation is posted under MOH it becomes Dr. Ro's territory, not otherwise. In this particular case (Ashish's), Doc Ro tells me that it'd be an interesting MOH case to tackle as most of her cases are damsels in distress although, ahem, surreptitiously guys seek her advice via personal e-mail:-)
Cheers.
Rohini.
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